I have come to the sad reality that I am not very good at anything. I am not putting myself down or claiming any false humility here. Honestly, I am not not good at very much. I generally find myself surrounded by very intelligent people. They are wise in the ways of missions (the term "missiology" was completely foreign to me until last year--who knew you could get a degree in it?), remember facts and scripture, somehow can quote beautiful poetry or obscure scripture. I often find myself in awe of these people. I haven't even gotten to musical talent or athletic ability, yet. However, I think you get my point. Of course, growing up (and still now, if I am totally honest) I wanted to be noticed. The usual way of getting noticed is to be really good at something. I played sports in high school but I never scored a goal in soccer and I was usually second to last place in hurdles (yes! I beat somebody!). I didn't even come close to valedictorian in college and I sat the bench my senior year in volleyball. I like to draw, but I am not an artist. I love music and I can't sing worth a lick (however, I sound very similar to Leigh Nash in the shower--just kidding). I desperately wanted to excell in something--to stand out, to hold a secret gift that unlocked the beauty and power of God, to usher people into the thrown room with music or art, and well...to be in a chick band would have been kind of cool, too. Am I painting an accurate picture, here?
Lately I have been thinking about all of this. Thinking about who I am, who I wish I was, and how none of that really matters. I only know one thing, and that is all I need. In fact, I find myself incredibly passionate about it. I am not always good at showing it, but I am confident I am lavished with it. I revel in the paradox of it all and swim in the delight of it. I dance with joyful freedom to its rhythmical beat and weep openly to its piercing truth. What better way to describe it than the words of Rich Mullins, "It is the reckless, raging fury that we call the Love of God." It is the one the thing that I know.